I haven't written much lately about our adoption. It's not that I haven't had anything to say. Maybe I've had too much to say and didn't know where to start.
The Lord brought such healing and peace to our hearts through the not-adoption of the twins. Our church family is amazing and we felt their prayers. We still pray for the twins and think of them and their birth mom often. It's amazing how you can become so connected to people and not even meet them. My prayer is that some day I can meet her and pray with her and encourage her.
Going through the process with the twins made me question my views on adoption. I know everyone has their opinion and their is no "right" way. However, after a number of past experiences Hubby and I had decided closed adoption was the best option for our family. This was one reason the twins seemed so perfect because it would have been a closed adoption.
However as I heard about the twins being in a room by themselves at the hospital and the birth mom or her family not even being able to say goodbye, or they not even meeting the family that would raise and love the twins my heart just broke. I can't even begin to imagine how the birth mom and family is feeling. So I'm doubting my feelings of closed adoption and wondering if we wouldn't have more peace with a semi-open adoption.
We've also been praying about adopting a sibling group, a 1 yr old and 2 yr old. We felt real peace about it so we sent in our profile. We then found out it would be just the 2 yr old. I really had my heart set on both of them and there were some other things that caused us to have uneasiness and loose that sense of peace. Hubby talked to the social worker and we came to a decision that it wasn't God's will for us to adopt any of these children. And the Lord gave peace.
It's amazing the wisdom of my Hubby. I'm totally emotional and it's like "any kid, doesn't matter, we'll take 'em!!" He's just a little more rational (thank you Lord). But he's also so patient and doesn't force anything on me. He'll wait patiently for me to come to the place where the Lord wants us to be. For that I'm so thankful. Hubby definetly doesn't wear his feelings on his sleeve so sometimes I doubt his excitement of this adoption. But to see him cry and hear him say, "I envisioned the twins, what they would look like, what our family would be like," just broke my heart and gave me peace that he wants to grow our family as much as I do.
As you can see, the theme today is peace. That even when my heart aches to be a mom and have little ones in our home and the pain is great as we think about the twins that won't be in our family, the Lord miraculously brings peace. It really is a peace that passes all understanding.