That's it, just "wait"? No more details? Wait how long? Wait for what? What exactly does "wait" mean?
This is the conversation I had with the Lord this week. For the past two weeks I've sensed the Lord saying "wait". And I've also sensed it is referring to the adoption. So I had a good break down-bawling session and questioned why in the world the Lord would say "wait". My mom told me, "you have to obey!". BUT I DON'T WANT TO - I WANT TO BE A MOM!
I started reading 1 Samuel chapters 1-3. For those who have experienced infertility I'm sure you've read these chapters hundreds of times. So I got to chapter 3, verse 18 when Eli says "He is the Lord; let him do what is good in His eyes.". I immediately broke down crying because the first thing I thought was that means I'll won't have more kids. But then I stopped myself because that's not what it says. Why am I always so quick to doubt God and think that His will for my life isn't the same as the desires of my heart? And then I heard the Lord gently say that He does want to give me the desires of my heart.
The next day in staff devotions Elaine shared about "trusting and obeying". Ok, Lord, I hear ya! Even though I'm not sure what "wait" means (don't adopt from Ethiopia?, don't use CWA?, don't adopt?) I will choose to trust Him and obey. I've decided that I'd much rather hear His voice and know His will, even when it's difficult. As opposed to not hearing His voice and just deciding on my own, possibly choosing something that would bring harm.
"Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, then to trust and obey"
Unfortunately not alot to report.
Our basement is coming along nicely. The drywallers should be done Tuesday or Wednesday. It's amazing to see the basement with walls and actual rooms. We'll finalize our carpet order today and that will be here in a few weeks - just enough time to paint, put up trim, hang doors, etc. Unfortunately we won't have any money left to furnish the basement - but that's ok! :-)
Wait, wait and wait some more - that's all that's new with our adoption! On Tuesday we're taking the afternoon off work to go finish up what's left of our dossier paperwork. Things like our police clearance, apply for our passport, report from our bank, etc. On August 11th we have our home study orientation. It kind of stinks we haven't been able to move faster with our home study but I suppose it's a blessing because it's giving us time to just focus on one thing at a time (the basement now).
Please continue to pray for us about whether to adopt one or two children. It would be less expensive in the long run to adopt two now but we don't want that to be the only reason to do it - plus it would mean we'd have to have $3000 more when we submit our dossier. Pat really doesn't want to fly to Ethiopia (he's not real fond of flying) and I'm hesitant to go by myself to get two babies. My mom has offered to come with though. Also, if we adopt two children do we request twins or just two "infants", usually one a few months old and one a toddler. I think twins would be easier but Pat says the other. Hhhmmm? SO, we have some major decisions to make within the next 2 months. We appreciate your prayers.
Tomorrow we're off to Valley Fair with our youth group. It will be me and hubby, our youth director and his girlfriend, one other chaperone and then 20 teenagers. FUN!
:-) They keep us young that's for sure!
Stop talking. Stop thinking. Focus. Praise God. Praise God alone...
Lord you are so mighty, so incredible. You save us with ease. Lord, I will worship you. My King.
I’m sorry for breaking your heart. Thank you for breaking my heart so I can see your glorious beauty fully. I will sing to you forever Lord, your love reigns forever, your power, your light, your grace, you reign forever Lord, forever. I’m so sorry for letting Satan have control of my life. You are my pilot, Lord, for eternity.
I’m no longer just a planted seed. I have sprouted. I’ve blossomed Lord. Your beauty has brought me out of dirt into shinning light. I’m ready to stand Lord. I’m ready to fight against the rain, the wind, and all storms for Your name.
Please help me live more for you. I can’t explain how excited I am! But You understand completely. You are so great! I can’t describe it. You make me scream with joy and shake with fear at the same time. Only you Lord, only you. Lord, remove the wall that is holding back your flowing river of grace. I’m not ashamed Lord, never again. Don’t let me hide the power and passion you have planted in me. Take it all Lord. I’m going to fly with you Lord. Sin is no longer weighing me down. You got me, and you are never letting go.
Lord, help us all to see you as you are. Give us wisdom, teach us to love you. Teach us how to approach you. Embrace us Lord, make us whole again.
Let your light shine through me to the world you have placed me in. I will love you always, and live for you always. I yearn for you. You are my only strength. I am fully dependent on you Lord.
I love you Jesus. I’m ready to fly.
We have to have three references for our dossier. Today I asked my boss and a Pastor at our church to be one of our references. He asked if it was ok to attach a picture that I had previously emailed him of me and Pat. Uh, NO!!
Well, ya know what, I decided that I should just go ahead and share it with EVERYONE! Although this picture doesn't protray the real Missy and Pat it does hopefully show that we know how to be creative and have fun! (maybe??) We dressed up like this for Pat's work Christmas party last year. The theme was "Prom" so we thought we'd bring back the 80's attire.
I apologize to anyone who is offended or scared speechless! ;-)
Romans 8:15-17 So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.
Ok, I know "overwhelmtion" isn't a word but that's how I feel. Overwhelmed with sadness of possibly never carrying a child; overwhelmed with mountains and mountains of paperwork for our adoption, overwhelmed with task after task to finish our basement, overwhelmed with doubts and fears - is Ethiopia really where we are suppose to adopt from, what age of child, how many children do we adopt, how in the world are we going to pay for an adoption and not go completely, miserably into debt, etc., etc. Putting all that together the only word I could think of was "overwhelmtion". Definition: the state of being WAY more overwhelmed then just overwhelmed!
Elisabeth Elliot writes, “I had been praying for something I wanted very badly. It seemed a good thing to have, a thing that would make life even more pleasant than it is, and would not in any way hinder my work. God did not give it to me. Why? I do not know all of his reasons, of course. The God who orchestrates the universe has a good many things to consider that have not occurred to me, and it is well that I leave them to Him. But one thing I do understand: He offers me holiness at the price of relinquishing my own will.”
Through our adoption process we have been reading a book titled, “Adoption Parenting”. In it we learn about adoption loss that an adopted child experiences and how to help a child through these feelings. This has also caused me to think of “infertility loss”. I have been praying that I could have children for over 8 years now. And so far God has said “no”, at least biological children. But I love what Elizabeth says “One thing I do understand: He offers me holiness at the price of relinquishing my own will.” Lord willing, we will have children through adoption and as much as this process overwhelms me, it also brings me great joy. So I will leave my state of overwhelmtion at the Cross because it’s only through the relinquishing of my will that I find holiness in Christ.
The Cross is really the only place for my overwhelmtion because Christ alone knows all things and sees all things and can lead us in His will. I love the song "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me - my favorite line is, "... can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You.. ". Regardless of what situation I face or what trial or circumstances comes my way God is still God - He still sits on the throne - He is still good and perfect and loving and just and merciful and faithful. Today I will choose to trust in Him and lay my OVERWHELMTION at His feet.
Yes - our basement is almost done! It's so exciting! My dad is coming tomorrow to help hubby finish up a few things and then the sheetrockers come on Monday and should be done within a few days with sheet rocking and drywall. We ordered carpet yesterday - that was exciting let me tell ya! So within a week or so we should be able to paint. The carpet won't be here for 3 weeks or so but that's ok - it'll give us just enough time to finish up what we need.
It's so cool to almost have the basement done - family room, 2 more bedrooms, another bathroom, laundry room! The not so cool thing is the amount of money it's taking! We have been able to do some of the work ourselves and hire people that are really giving us a good deal but every $ that goes towards the basement is a $ that doesn't go towards the adoption. I know we have to finish the basement before we have more kids but it's still hard.
I'll take a picture now and then take an after picture so you can see what an awesome job hubby's doing!
On the adoption side of things please pray for us! I know you are already but specifically we are now considering adopting two kids that are a little older than we had originally talked about. We found a brother and sister on our agencies photo listing that were 4 and 6 years old. Hubby was interested too and so we decided to pray about it and email our agency to see if they had more information. I emailed them today at noon asking for information. We didn't hear anything but then at about 3:30 I checked the photo listing again and their picture was gone! Eeick! So I'm not sure if someone else claimed them or if they got our email and took their picture off.
Please pray that we'd be patient and know God's will for the age of kids to adopt. I'll let you know what we hear about the 2 little ones we were interested in - unfortunately have to wait til Monday!
We're starting to get some of our dossier paperwork in. We've received one reference letter back and today in the mail we received all of our certificates (birth, marriage, etc). That was way faster than we expected. Hubby's already gotten his employment verification, I still need to do that. Tomorrow Hubby and Princess have their doctor's appointments, I have mine on Friday. So it's cool to see things come together.
Our orienation with our home study agency isn't until August 11th - that seems like forever - I guess 4 weeks exactly. By that time we need to have our packet of information completed and sent in to them, which we should actually have completed this week. This includes our "Personal Statment" in which we have to write out our personality, interests, beliefs, how our past has effected the type of people we are, how we see ourselves in the future. This is alot more challenging then writing out our testimony. Pray that the Lord will give us the words we need.
We keep hearing about the mayhem with getting passports. That's kind of scary - we need to get ours ordered soon because we hear it can take up to 6 months. Who knows we might be ready to travel in 6 months!
I continue to let fear creep into my thoughts...thinking "what are we doing?", "why are we going through all this work and spending all this money". I know this is God's will though and there are so many beautiful children in Ethiopia that need homes (4 million and counting) and honestly it's not just about them - it's about hubby and I having children together, giving Princess another sibling, feeling called to adopt through Ethiopia - so much more than just these children need a forever family. Pray that we would persevere through the paperwork and questioning and frundraising.
We sponsor an Ethiopian child through Food For The Hungry and got an update letter today. It was so exciting! Before we started this adoption process our sponsorship of Dawit was much more impersonal. But now after doing research and learning about Ethiopia and hearing about and seeing new friends go pick up their children in Ethiopia it's so much more real. One of the families on CWA's web-board was able to go to one of Compassion's villages and see the children. It would be so awesome if we could meet Dawit. I looked up the village where he's from and it's only 150 km from Addis, where we'll be when we travel there.
Ok - that's all for now - please also pray for me as I'm getting over the flu or something that's knocked me out for a couple days. I need to get back to work fulltime, hopefully tomorrow. God bless, have a great day!
I copied this from my favorite blog Learning Patience. Here are my personal policies:
1. Shoes are ok - Even though it requires more cleaning for some reason I've never minded anyone wearing shoes in the house.
2. Make the bed every day. Ya, I know you'll just get right back in it at night but everything looks nicer when the bed is made.
3. It IS your responsibility to change the toilet paper if you use the last of it. AND the toilet paper must roll over the top.
4. Dogs are welcome anywhere except on the living room furniture.
5. When a meal is ready everyone should be at the table ready to eat. Did I not just work away in the kitchen to provide a wonderful meal for you? And it bothers me knowing the food is getting cold.
6. I am the spider killer. This policy was not by my choice, but given to me by hubby - although very manly, strong and courageous - he is deathly afraid of spiders! :-)
7. When hubby and I are walking he needs to be on my right. Wow, that sounds crazy but it's just the way it is!
8. Singing loud is perferred when listening to worship music.
9. Do not have the radio and the tv on at the same time. This is way to much noise and stimulation!
10. Hugs and kisses are required anytime hubby, princess or I leave the house. Live every moment like it's your last!
What are your personal policies?
It's so good to be home. The 4 buses pulled into town last night right at midnight - God is so good - that's the time I told the parents we'd be home. It was such a good week - so many lives changed, friendships made. Personally I was totally renewed. Even though I was doing alot of busy work, planning, organizing, helping with the evening worship time, I had alot of time to myself to think and pray and read God's Word.
Today I need to spend the day getting my laundry done and cleaning the house. Hubby got quite a bit done when we were gone - unfortunately that didn't include any cleaning :-)
THEN - the paperwork resumes! We received another packet of information we have to fill out for our homestudy so I want to get that in right away. Then I told hubby that one day this week we need to take a few hours and go around to our doctor and police station and court house and all those lovely places to get the forms for the dossier completed.
I also have to start thinking about the garage sale fundraiser we're going to have. August 17-18 - I have about a month. I've already had alot of people tell me they'll donate items so that's awesome! Hubby is so looking forward to getting his garage back - he'll have to be a little more patient.
Well, that's it for now. It's good to be home and it's good to get going on more paperwork (as crazy as that sound!). Take care!
Today is our last day at FLY - Youth camp in Estes Park, CO. We leave early tomorrow and will drive straight through, arriving home 12 hours later.
It's been a good week. Tiring, overwhelming, joyful, sad - so many emotions. The theme for the week was UNSHACKLED from Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." So many kids have been unshackled this week. They have left their burdens and sins at the cross of Christ and have been set free.
Last night was our youth group night where we meet with our youth groups and have a time to share. It was so amazing - I don't think I've cried like that in a long time. Kid after kid after kid came up to the stage and shared how Jesus had touched them this week. Some coming to know Christ for the first time, some who had known Christ were strenghted and encouraged in their walk. God is so good and faithful and His great love for us is hard to grasp.
I've been able to spend this week with my step-daughter. It's been so great to see her and hug her and see her growing in her relationship with Christ.
Two things I haven't enjoyed this week: being away from my hubby and not being able to do anything with adoption. There's very limited cell phone reception but hubby and I have been able to chat online - that's been fun :-)
Even though I haven't been able to make any progress on the adoption I've had a great week to spend so much quiet time with the Lord. I've been reassured that God has called us to adopt - there's so many questions when you're going through this process - "Is it worth it, all this paperwork and money" - there are so many doubts and questions. But I know that it is worth it. Our two children from Ethiopia are almost home when you think about it. In the scheme of things 6-9 months is such a short amount of time.
So I wait patiently to be home to see my hubby and for our two kids to see their new home!
Hello from beautiful Estes Park Colorado! It's the end of day two here at the FLY (Free Lutheran Youth) Convention and it's been an awesome week. I'm too tired to say much more - will fill you in later.
Tomorrow is 4th of July! Thank you Lord for the wonderful freedom we have to worship you! Thank you for all You give to us!