Gratitude

Go here to read a great post about the heart of a mom and gratitude.

A Different Kind of Day

Crying, burping, poopy baby - what else could we ask for! It's been a good day loving on Angel, helping her get to know us. She's already a mama's girl so I've been trying my hardest not to hog her so Hubby can get some good bonding time.

We'll be taking a bloggy break to have some much needed time with Angel. Thanks again for your prayers. We know it was a miracle that Angel is home with us already.

Have a very blessed Christmas.

Angel sleeping with Daddy

Princess meeting her little sister

Our three amazing kids! Prince, Angel and Princess

Angel meeting the doggies. They are doing very well, although Ed doesn't like it when Angel cries - he cries too. :-)

THANK YOU JESUS!

Our Angel is coming home! TOMORROW! We are so excited we can't even think straight. I have such little faith, I didn't think she would be home for Christmas, but once again God shows his amazing love and faithfulness and has given us the desires of our hearts. We are so unworthy.

We'll leave early tomorrow morning and should be home (with our baby in our arms) tomorrow night! Please continue to pray for her for a smooth transition, for the foster family who's had her since birth and for safety for us traveling.

Thanks for going along with us on this journey. We have felt your prayers and we praise God for his blessings.

A Child

I was sitting in the sanctuary the other day. Praying, listening, being still. As we've been experiencing the highs and lows of adoption I was feeling very overwhelmed. I had so much joy in my heart that this little child would, Lord willing, be coming into our home. That my husband and I would have a child together. But at the time I also had the knowledge that nothing was final yet and so at times that caused me to have fear.

As I sat there I looked at the beautiful blue banner on the alter. "For Unto Us A Child Is Born". Yes, that's true. For unto us (Pat and I) a child has been born that will be given to us as our own, to raise and love and guide and nuture. A child that I've longed and prayed for for many years.

And then Christ reminded me to not forget the real meaning of that verse. For unto us a Child has been born. Unto me. A sinner - many times I've thought the apostle Paul was crazy calling himself the "chief of sinners". I was the chief of sinners. And still the Child was born. I was reminded that as great and wonderful and amazing as it will be to have a child of our own - there is nothing more sweet than the love of the Christ child. Absolutely nothing - not marriage, not children, not health, not wealth. Nothing greater than sitting there with Jesus remembering all that He had done for me. Nothing greater than His forgiveness. Nothing greater than the hope and peace and joy He brings.

Perhaps you've allowed circumstances in your life, the busyness of Christmas or trials and fears to draw your thoughts away from the Christ child. Right now as you read this commit to that quiet time with Jesus. Turn off the tv and the computer. Turn off your radio or ipod. Turn off your phone (trust me, it'll be ok!). Sit in the silence of your living room, the sanctuary of a church or an office at work. Whether it be December or June, let us be reminded "For Unto Us A Child Is Born".

That's What Friends Are For!

Ok, I'm done whining! :-) Thanks friends for encouraging me to use this time to get some things done. Another friend also found this devotional and it was just perfect!

The Time Came For Her Baby
by Jon Walker

And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. (Luke 2:6 NLT)

We manage time; we waste time. We spend time and we save time. We wish the time would come; we wish the time would pass. We see time fly, and we feel time drag. We watch clocks and carry calendars, creating the illusion that we somehow control time, yet all the while moments flow forward like a mighty river that cannot be stopped, harnessed, or re-routed.

Yet God controls time. He created time and we, his creations, are fenced by his time, directed and guided by his holy and loving hand. Do you think God was surprised that "while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born?"

We're often surprised by unexpected developments in our lives, yet the Bible teaches that God is never surprised, even in the most disastrous turn of events. How would your faith differ if you believed God was not surprised by your current circumstances and that he's working, at this moment, for a holy and healthy conclusion?

What does that mean? God is always on time, at just the right time. George Mueller, the great prayer warrior from the 19th century, once waited on a dock for a special chair to be delivered. He had a bad back and needed the chair for the ocean voyage ahead of him. When the departure time grew close and the chair still had not arrived, Mueller's friends offered to buy a substitute chair, but Mueller said no - "Either God will provide the chair, or he'll give grace to do without it." Like a Hollywood ending, the chair arrived just in time, right on time. Mueller noted, "If the chair had arrived earlier, we might have dismissed the provision of God." This Christmas, point out the provisions of God when you see them.

What if you were certain God would provide? How would you act, think, and live differently if you were absolutely certain God was at the end of the deadline? That is, even if there were mere seconds left, you still believed with certainty that God was working through your circumstances? Believing he's there and about to provide is the essence of faith. Tell God, "I believe; help my unbelief."

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Time cannot diminish Christ's love for you or his power to work within your life. He is there in the past; he is there in the now; and he is there in your future.

A thousand years are like a few hours to God (Psalm 90:4). God is working to bring you into eternity, not just to get you through the end of next week. Praise God for his grace and for a love so strong that he wants you to spend an eternity with him.

Worse Than Waiting?

We didn't think there was anything harder than waiting. We thought once Monday was past and the court hearing was over and everything was finally final our hearts wouldn't be so heavy. Unfortunately now we've discovered that there is something worse than waiting. It's knowing we have a daughter in another state, knowing she's ours, a part of our family, our daughter. And not being able to be with her. Feeling like we've abandoned her. Missing her so much and knowing there's nothing we can do to speed up this process.

Today I spent the day with my Father, my heavenly Father. I try to do this once a month. Actually I've already scheduled my "Daddy Tank Days", as they're called, through 2008 - making sure that one day a month is set aside. Each time is different - today I started out by reading my chronological bible. Then I spent a few hours praying through journaling. And then I spent about an hour singing Christmas hymns. My poor dogs weren't too thrilled about that. Then I read through the Gospels, actually more like skimmed, looking for times when Jesus built relationships and how he did it. And then I went back to the Old Testement and read through Judges and Ruth. And then finished up the day with more prayer time.

I'm so thankful my Daddy Tank Day fell on today. If I hadn't had my heart and mind on my Father it would have been a bad day. I won't lie, there were times I was tempted to crawl under my covers and cry and pray and beg Jesus to let us bring our Angel home. I guess I did do alot of praying and crying asking that our Angel could come home this week but my focus was on the Father and knowing that His will and timing is perfect puts my heart at ease.

I encourage you to set aside one day a month to spend with your heavenly Father. I wasn't too sure about a whole day either when my Pastor suggested this. But then I realized I owe my Father my entire life - isn't He important enough to me to give Him just one day a month? He so longs to spent that time with you, to fill you up and talk with you and encourage and challenge you.

Please continue to pray with us that the interstate compact paperwork would get completed soon, like tomorrow, so we can go get our Angel and bring her home.

Not Much To Report

Today was the hearing for termination of parental rights for our Angel. We didn't hear anything from the social worker working with the birth mom. But our social worker said no news is good news. I guess the birth mom and social worker don't have to be present at the hearing so since we didn't hear anything that means everything went fine... I think that means then that we are legally able to adopt her. I know I should sound a little more excited, I guess we are just still being cautious until we get word we can go get her. Still not sure when that will be. I guess the state won't get our paperwork til tomorrow so then it's just more waiting for someone to call and say everything looks good.

We praise God...

as far as we know things went well at the court hearing today
for yellow paint - we painted the nursery and it looks really cute
that mail only takes 1 day to get from our agency to the state office
for the many family and friends that have given financially towards the adoption
that His mercies are new every morning

Roller Coaster of Emotions

(Can you even see this picture? It's Hubby, Prince, Me and Princess on a roller coaster at Disney World. Check out Princess making a funny face - what a goof! Anyway...)

Up, down, all around. Feeling excited, nervous, queasy, laughing, crying and sometimes screaming at the top of our lungs. No, it's not the world's scariest roller coaster - it's adoption!

Today was one of those days. I praise God for our social worker. She is so amazing and quick to remind us of God's timing. It's official, I've memorized this verse:

"Let not your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me." John 14:1

1. Plans were made yesterday for us to go see the baby. We'll get to go see her on Friday at noon, take her with us to a hotel and stay with her overnight. We'd bring her back to the foster family at noon on Saturday.

2. That won't work for the foster family. We have to go for the entire weekend (Friday-Sunday).

3. That won't work for us. We're having a dinner party birthday bash for Princess on Saturday night and we need to be back by 4:00 or 5:00.

4. Ok, we'll try to schedule something for next weekend. NEXT weekend? Like in 9 days which really translates into a millennium? Wow, that makes me really sad.

5. How about this week. Wednesday or Thursday?

6. Ok, that will work. Thursday from noon-5:00. We'll have to be at the foster home, no big deal. It's not as much time with her, we'll take what we can get.

7. Wait, God has heard our cries! We're back to the original plan. Friday noon - Saturday noon. Yippee!!

Hold on to your hats. Lord willing on Friday evening we'll email a picture of our Angel!

Please keep praying for the finances we need to come in. Still about $2000-3000 short.

Just a few more days!

That's right, in just a few more days we get to see and hold and hug and kiss our Angel. We've heard lots of news today from our social worker - here's an update:

1. Everything is right on track. Just waiting on Holly's fingerprints and we realized today our TB tests. Our agency is doing what they can to expedite everything.

2. We get to see her on Friday! We'll meet her at noon, spend time time at the foster home and then get to take her with us! And we get to stay over night with her. Oh the joy! Unfortunately we then will have to leave her and come back home without her.

3. Best case scenario we'll be able to take her home for final final final on Monday, Dec 17th. We are hoping and praying for that but being realistic too that it could be later.

4. I shared earlier how family had given us $8000 towards the adoption. Well $4000 of that was some jewelry someone gave us that we thought we could easily sell. The jewelry is appraised at $7000 approximately so we figure we could easily get $4k. But now we're being told it's not likely we can get that much, and in this short of time it will be difficult too. So we are still hoping this will work out. If we can get some funds by selling the jewelry we're just a few thousand short. If we can't get the funds for the jewelry we're more like $5-6 thousand short.

This week we'll be busy getting the nursery ready. Right now it's a disastrous storage room. I guess I shouldn't say disastrous - I worked on it this weekend and made some progress but we have a long ways to go. I have no idea how we get so much junk. We have a crib, 2 packs of newborn diapers and that's it. I just can't let myself buy too much until we have all the funds raised for the fee so for now we're going to just hold off on any major shopping.

Thank you so much for your prayers. I'm still in shock, not really believing that this dream will be coming true. In fact, papers aren't signed yet, there's always a chance, although slight, that something would happen. We do feel at peace though and are trusting God for each decision and each step we take.

Please continue to pray for me, Hubby, Princess, our Angel, her foster family, our two social workers, Kim and Deanne, who are amazing and for all the paperwork and funds we are still waiting.

10 Things You'll Find In Iowa

1. Mike Huckabee taking the state by storm!

2. Postcard arrives 39 years later

3. Thieves targeting Christmas trees

4. Oprah

5. Acts of courage

6. Mourning

7. Bad burgers

8. Kevin Bacon and Tim Robbins

9. Freezing fog

10. Our Angel

It's A Girl!

Ok folks, hope you're sitting down!

We are soon to become the parents of a baby girl. She's 5 weeks old and we'll call her Angel. We are so excited, yet still a little in shock and still a little cautious since it's not final yet.

Things that need to happen before baby Angel comes home:

1. Finalize our home study. Our social worker is finishing it up this weekend so that's no problem.

2. Background check and fingerprints. This is also part of the home study, but it's the part that takes the longest. Ok, so you remember how we were thinking it took 4-8 weeks. Well either we were wrong or God worked an amazing miracle. Me and Hubby's already came back after only 2 weeks. So we're just waiting on Princess's.

3. Adoption Fee. Huge praise here! We originally thought our fee was $11800 and then were told we didn't make it in time before their fees increased so the fees were actually $14800. But now today we were told that they are in fact $11800! YAHOO! We're still keeping our goal at $14000 because we owe $1000 more for the home study and we have yet to buy anything for the nursery plus a $500 post placement fee.

So what does that mean? We have $3-4000 that has been raised or donated. So that leaves us with $10-11000 yet to raise. And we have, we're guessing 2-4 weeks. I'm so excited because we serve an AMAZING God.

SO AMAZING that we have within the last 10 minutes since I've typed the last paragraph we have gotten 2 phone calls from family members that want to give us approximately $8000. I can hardly talk, I'm so overwhelmed by God's blessing. All we can do is sit here and weep.

We love you Jesus. Thank you for this blessing and this new adventure you've called us to. Thank you for our family and friends that are so encouraging and supportive. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

God Knows

Earlier this week I talked to our doctor's nurse about the tests results from last week. She said there was nothing to be concerned about and I should come back in 6 months. Uh, WHAT!! So if everything looks fine, why am I having all this pain? And why am I waiting 6 months to come back? We talked to another nurse we've been working with and she said that was ridiculous, that we should reschedule to go back in 2 months. It still bothers me that if there's nothing of concern why am I having the pain but we meet with her again on Tuesday so we'll ask some more questions.

We were able to get Princess fingerprinted last night. And praise the Lord we got in the mail the letter from our insurance we've been waiting for. Our social worker told us today she is finishing up the last of our home study so now we just have to wait for the background check and fingerprint check to come back. Pray with us that they will come back quickly!

I received this note from one of our Pastors today:

I am praying for you. One thing that is always a blessing for me to remember is this, my Godly heart's desires are always on God's mind, therefore I don't need my mind to always be pre-occupied by them. When they come to my mind I say to myself, "God knows!"

Wow, God's timing is amazing. That was just what I needed to hear. Going back to the doctor has brought up all sort of questions (should we be going to the doctor, how far do we go, do I have surgery if that's what they suggest, etc, etc). I've been worried about the finances for the adoption too. I so long to stay home, at least part time when the baby comes and if we have to take out a loan to cover the rest of the adoption fee I'll have to go back to work outside the home. It was so good to be reminded that God knows my hearts' desire. He knows.

We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:20-22

Perspective

Although I don't have the Jeep Grand Cherokee I would really like, I do have a reliable Chevy Malibu to get me where I'm going.

Although I haven't been have to conceive a child, I do have two wonderful step-children.

Although I don't have the most stylish clothes in town, I do have a warm coat and shoes to wear when it's cold.

Although I haven't climbed Mt Everest, I have climbed the trails of the Rocky Mountains.

Although I can't take any vacation I'd like to, I can spend every night with my husband.

Although I can't afford laser surgery to fix my eyes, I can afford glasses so that I can see.

Although I'm not a size 2, I can see myself through God's eyes, as a child of the King no matter my size.

Although I don't know what tomorrow holds, I know Who holds tomorrow.

How amazing are Your blessings, God!

Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Psalm 105:1

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today we shared in two Thanksgiving meals. At noon we had dinner with Hubby's family at our house. Then we loaded up the two vehicles with our bags, Princess and three dogs and drove to my parents house where we had another Thanksgiving meal. They were both amazing and I couldn't help but think about how fortunate and blessed and spoiled we are! Not only to be with family and loved ones but to have a warm home and enough food to feed an army. We are so blessed.

Lord, help us to remember every day, not just once a year, the many many blessings you have bestowed upon us. We thank you and we love you!

One down, five to go!

It's a miracle. It really is. We've finally finished one of our profile books for our adoption. I say "one" because we have to make SIX of them! Yikes! But really the other 5 will be easy because now we have everything set up.

Anyway Hubby is a graphic artist and a perfectionist. I love to scrapbook and am a perfectionist. That is a deadly combination. Needless to say we've been working on this one profile book for about 2 years now. Well, maybe it's been more like 2 months but it's seemed like forever.

It also made it difficult because we know at least one of the expectant moms that will be looking at it. The one that we met last month and is working with our adoption agency. She'll be the first to see it to help her with her decision of what family to choose for her baby. Yikes! That made us question every single picture that we were going to put in the book. And question every single thing we thought we should say. So we finally decided we cannot think about the expectant mom, we have to just be real, be ourselves and not worry about it.

So last night about 10:30 we finished. I've been feeling horrible and was crabby. Hubby was crabby. Honestly it wasn't the funnest project we've worked on together but when it was finally done it felt so good. It felt like we'd climbed Mt Everest.

And then I had the weirdest feeling: I didn't want to mail it. I wanted to keep it. It was so pretty and amazing and made me cry every time I looked at it. Even this morning before work I stopped at the post office and sat in the car and had to look at it two more times wondering, should I mail it? I love it so much!

Wow, that sounds really weirdo now. But I guess it's because I love my family so much. I love how God has blessed us and how I look back over the past 5 years and see how He has changed us and molded us and brought healing and love to our family.

But I did mail it. And I love how God has brought us on this new journey. Even though it's really hard and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, I love that the mother of my child will look at the pictures and read it one day and say "I want them."

Home

It's good to be home. Even though we stayed in a plush, comfortable amazing hotel this weekend it's so good to be home.

Some days I'm so homesick. Not for my earthly home but for my heavenly home. To be in the presence of our heavenly Father, Jesus, my Savior, my Friend! To worship God and no longer have tears or pain or sadness. Talk about amazing!

Do you have a reservation at the Father's House? Are you 100% confident that when you die you will be going to your heavenly home? If not, send me an email and I'd love to visit with you more.

I'll share more about our weekend later.

Beating the Odds

Sorry for the scary picture. That was me and Hubby last year at his work's Christmas "Prom" party. Ya! 80's all the way!

Anyway, I'm so excited for this weekend. Hubby and I are attending the Weekend to Remember marriage conference AND we splurged and are staying at a hotel even though the conference is in our home town.

Our marriage didn't start out so hot. We were both unbelievers. I was running from my first marriage and Hubby was running from being alone. We were hurting which caused us to be hurtful and low and behold getting married didn't solve anything. About 6 months after getting married I recommitted my life to Christ and things just got worse. About 6 months after that Princess got saved and then Hubby was really in a bad situation (or so he thought!). I eventually learned to keep my mouth shut (most of the time) and show Hubby the love of Christ instead of my own selfish love. It was actually a fight between me and Princess that brought Hubby to his knees and he accepted Christ as his savior.

And things didn't get better. Not right away anyway. I remember hearing Dr Phil share that marriages that start the way ours did, only about 10% of them last. Sorry Dr Phil, you got nothing on us because our God is bigger than 10%!

On New Years Eve we'll be married 5 years. Every year since we've gotten married has been better than the one before and God has shown His mercy and grace to us in so many ways. So I'm thankfully able to say we are not attending the Weekend to Remember conference because we're struggling in our marriage. However, we both learned the hard way that marriage takes work. It takes committment. It's not about feelings - it's about being committed to each other through anything and being committed to Christ makes that journey alot easier.

Plus we figure that Lord willing we'll have a baby soon so we won't have a chance for a weekend getaway for awhile. Hope y'all have a great weekend. I know we will!

Bird On A Wire

So I'm on my way to work this morning enjoying the beautiful day the Lord had given me. I'm sitting at a stoplight looking around at God's marvelous creation. My eye catches some birds sitting on the telephone wires at the intersection. Then I see this one little bird farther down on the wire sitting all by himself. As I watch him I realize he keeps scooting closer to the other birds sitting together farther down the wire.

What in the world!? Seriously, he scoots, looks around, scoots again. I even say to him "What are you doing little birdy?" Unfortunately he doesn't tell me or if he did I couldn't hear him. He keeps scooting, looking at his birdy buddy wannabes farther down the wire.

I say to Mr Bird "Uh, you can fly over there ya know!"

Then it hit me. Not only am I an idiot for talking to this bird but I realize that we do exactly what Mr Bird was doing. We sit on our little wire and we have this goal in mind or some place we think God may have called us to. But instead of using the gifts God has given us and flying right on over we take little baby steps, fearful of what will happen.

I wonder if God's looking at us saying "Uh, you can fly over there ya know!" Nope, we have to scoot scoot scoot and miss out on the many blessings that spreading our wings and leaping off that wire will bring.

Ok, this whole birdy talk is getting creepy. Morale of the story: don't be such a chicken! :-)

Into The Wild

On Friday night Hubby and I went to the movie Into The Wild* with my brother and his wife. I had read a little about this story, mainly because portions of it was made in our great state of South Dakota.

It was a great movie, very well made. It's depressing, yet hopeful. Sad yet full of joy. Very difficult to put into words how you are feeling when you leave the theatre. It definitely makes a person think about what truly brings happiness. What is it that brings the soul complete peace and satisfaction? We never really know if the main character finds this peace, a peace that I believe is only found through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

I also asked myself if I could do what he did. Leave everything behind - and I mean EVERYTHING and go on a journey into the unknown. Not worrying about what tomorrow will bring or what he would eat or where he would sleep... hmm that sounds familiar (Matthew 6:25). Yes, I do have perfect peace in Jesus Christ, but I also allow myself to get caught up in the things and possessions I have, even my family that I often put before my relationship with Jesus.

It definitely makes one think - and hopefully learn and grow and change to be more like Christ.

*This movie is rated R. We usually don't go to rated R movies (not legalistic there just haven't found many R movies that bring us closer to Christ). When my brother called and invited us we were torn what to do and we shared that with him. So we did alot of research and found out pretty much exactly what was in the movie, when, why, etc. I have to admit I did close my eyes a couple times or Hubby and I would turn and look at each other. I don't regret that we went. I learned from this movie and it has provided many open doors for discussion. I encourage you though, to be diligent in understanding what you will see if you go to this movie, and any R rated movie for that matter. 1 Peter 2:11