THANK YOU JESUS!

Our Angel is coming home! TOMORROW! We are so excited we can't even think straight. I have such little faith, I didn't think she would be home for Christmas, but once again God shows his amazing love and faithfulness and has given us the desires of our hearts. We are so unworthy.

We'll leave early tomorrow morning and should be home (with our baby in our arms) tomorrow night! Please continue to pray for her for a smooth transition, for the foster family who's had her since birth and for safety for us traveling.

Thanks for going along with us on this journey. We have felt your prayers and we praise God for his blessings.

Worse Than Waiting?

We didn't think there was anything harder than waiting. We thought once Monday was past and the court hearing was over and everything was finally final our hearts wouldn't be so heavy. Unfortunately now we've discovered that there is something worse than waiting. It's knowing we have a daughter in another state, knowing she's ours, a part of our family, our daughter. And not being able to be with her. Feeling like we've abandoned her. Missing her so much and knowing there's nothing we can do to speed up this process.

Today I spent the day with my Father, my heavenly Father. I try to do this once a month. Actually I've already scheduled my "Daddy Tank Days", as they're called, through 2008 - making sure that one day a month is set aside. Each time is different - today I started out by reading my chronological bible. Then I spent a few hours praying through journaling. And then I spent about an hour singing Christmas hymns. My poor dogs weren't too thrilled about that. Then I read through the Gospels, actually more like skimmed, looking for times when Jesus built relationships and how he did it. And then I went back to the Old Testement and read through Judges and Ruth. And then finished up the day with more prayer time.

I'm so thankful my Daddy Tank Day fell on today. If I hadn't had my heart and mind on my Father it would have been a bad day. I won't lie, there were times I was tempted to crawl under my covers and cry and pray and beg Jesus to let us bring our Angel home. I guess I did do alot of praying and crying asking that our Angel could come home this week but my focus was on the Father and knowing that His will and timing is perfect puts my heart at ease.

I encourage you to set aside one day a month to spend with your heavenly Father. I wasn't too sure about a whole day either when my Pastor suggested this. But then I realized I owe my Father my entire life - isn't He important enough to me to give Him just one day a month? He so longs to spent that time with you, to fill you up and talk with you and encourage and challenge you.

Please continue to pray with us that the interstate compact paperwork would get completed soon, like tomorrow, so we can go get our Angel and bring her home.

Praising God for His Blessing

Missy,

The attorney called to let Deanne know that the court proceedings went as planned! That means everything is absolutely final! Praise God.... your Angel will be coming home soon! Will let you know progress of ICPC as it moves along.

Kim

ABSOLUTELY FINAL - Wow! That's the best thing we've heard in a long time! Thank you Jesus!

Not Much To Report

Today was the hearing for termination of parental rights for our Angel. We didn't hear anything from the social worker working with the birth mom. But our social worker said no news is good news. I guess the birth mom and social worker don't have to be present at the hearing so since we didn't hear anything that means everything went fine... I think that means then that we are legally able to adopt her. I know I should sound a little more excited, I guess we are just still being cautious until we get word we can go get her. Still not sure when that will be. I guess the state won't get our paperwork til tomorrow so then it's just more waiting for someone to call and say everything looks good.

We praise God...

as far as we know things went well at the court hearing today
for yellow paint - we painted the nursery and it looks really cute
that mail only takes 1 day to get from our agency to the state office
for the many family and friends that have given financially towards the adoption
that His mercies are new every morning

The Process

Sorry for 3 posts in one day. That's just a little neurotic but we wanted to share what's next.

We left our Angel today with her foster family. It was so hard to leave her. Even though she's not ours yet, our hearts have already convinced us she's our daughter but we're not able to take her across state lines because the paperwork is not final yet.

On Monday (2 days!) the court hearing will take place to terminate the rights of the birth parents. This is considered a "high risk" adoption because we've asked to proceed with the processing before termination of rights. So yes, it's possible that the birth parents could change their minds. Although from what we've been told it sounds like there's not a very likely chance of that happening. If all goes well on Monday then we just wait for the interstate compact paperwork to get completed. This allows us to take her home and although the adoption isn't finalized for 6 months the birth parents rights will have been terminated so they could not come back and reclaim her.

There's really no way to know how long it will take for the interstate compact paperwork to get done. Basically it depends on whether someones on vacation or not. We are pretty optimistic it will happen next week - but it's possible it could be the next week or the next. Our agency is so amazing and they are doing all they can to make it happen as quickly as possible.

Please pray:

For our Angel. That she would continue to be healthy, that she would eat well and when she does come home, would attach to us quickly.

For me, Hubby and Princess. That we would be patient and trust in God's timing. That we would not worry about what tomorrow brings but hold tight to the promises of God's word.

For court on Monday. That God's will would be done. That the birth parents would have peace.

For the interstate compact. That the paperwork would get done in record time and we could bring our Angel home next week. Let's pray specific - bring her home Monday or Tuesday.

For finances. That we would have what we need for the adoption fee. That we would be good stewards of what God has entrusted to us and know what supplies we should buy and when. That when our Angel comes home and my maternity leave is up it would be possible for me to stay home, if not full time at least part time.

Thanks so much. We appreciate your prayers and encouragement!

Roller Coaster of Emotions

(Can you even see this picture? It's Hubby, Prince, Me and Princess on a roller coaster at Disney World. Check out Princess making a funny face - what a goof! Anyway...)

Up, down, all around. Feeling excited, nervous, queasy, laughing, crying and sometimes screaming at the top of our lungs. No, it's not the world's scariest roller coaster - it's adoption!

Today was one of those days. I praise God for our social worker. She is so amazing and quick to remind us of God's timing. It's official, I've memorized this verse:

"Let not your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me." John 14:1

1. Plans were made yesterday for us to go see the baby. We'll get to go see her on Friday at noon, take her with us to a hotel and stay with her overnight. We'd bring her back to the foster family at noon on Saturday.

2. That won't work for the foster family. We have to go for the entire weekend (Friday-Sunday).

3. That won't work for us. We're having a dinner party birthday bash for Princess on Saturday night and we need to be back by 4:00 or 5:00.

4. Ok, we'll try to schedule something for next weekend. NEXT weekend? Like in 9 days which really translates into a millennium? Wow, that makes me really sad.

5. How about this week. Wednesday or Thursday?

6. Ok, that will work. Thursday from noon-5:00. We'll have to be at the foster home, no big deal. It's not as much time with her, we'll take what we can get.

7. Wait, God has heard our cries! We're back to the original plan. Friday noon - Saturday noon. Yippee!!

Hold on to your hats. Lord willing on Friday evening we'll email a picture of our Angel!

Please keep praying for the finances we need to come in. Still about $2000-3000 short.

Just a few more days!

That's right, in just a few more days we get to see and hold and hug and kiss our Angel. We've heard lots of news today from our social worker - here's an update:

1. Everything is right on track. Just waiting on Holly's fingerprints and we realized today our TB tests. Our agency is doing what they can to expedite everything.

2. We get to see her on Friday! We'll meet her at noon, spend time time at the foster home and then get to take her with us! And we get to stay over night with her. Oh the joy! Unfortunately we then will have to leave her and come back home without her.

3. Best case scenario we'll be able to take her home for final final final on Monday, Dec 17th. We are hoping and praying for that but being realistic too that it could be later.

4. I shared earlier how family had given us $8000 towards the adoption. Well $4000 of that was some jewelry someone gave us that we thought we could easily sell. The jewelry is appraised at $7000 approximately so we figure we could easily get $4k. But now we're being told it's not likely we can get that much, and in this short of time it will be difficult too. So we are still hoping this will work out. If we can get some funds by selling the jewelry we're just a few thousand short. If we can't get the funds for the jewelry we're more like $5-6 thousand short.

This week we'll be busy getting the nursery ready. Right now it's a disastrous storage room. I guess I shouldn't say disastrous - I worked on it this weekend and made some progress but we have a long ways to go. I have no idea how we get so much junk. We have a crib, 2 packs of newborn diapers and that's it. I just can't let myself buy too much until we have all the funds raised for the fee so for now we're going to just hold off on any major shopping.

Thank you so much for your prayers. I'm still in shock, not really believing that this dream will be coming true. In fact, papers aren't signed yet, there's always a chance, although slight, that something would happen. We do feel at peace though and are trusting God for each decision and each step we take.

Please continue to pray for me, Hubby, Princess, our Angel, her foster family, our two social workers, Kim and Deanne, who are amazing and for all the paperwork and funds we are still waiting.

It's A Girl!

Ok folks, hope you're sitting down!

We are soon to become the parents of a baby girl. She's 5 weeks old and we'll call her Angel. We are so excited, yet still a little in shock and still a little cautious since it's not final yet.

Things that need to happen before baby Angel comes home:

1. Finalize our home study. Our social worker is finishing it up this weekend so that's no problem.

2. Background check and fingerprints. This is also part of the home study, but it's the part that takes the longest. Ok, so you remember how we were thinking it took 4-8 weeks. Well either we were wrong or God worked an amazing miracle. Me and Hubby's already came back after only 2 weeks. So we're just waiting on Princess's.

3. Adoption Fee. Huge praise here! We originally thought our fee was $11800 and then were told we didn't make it in time before their fees increased so the fees were actually $14800. But now today we were told that they are in fact $11800! YAHOO! We're still keeping our goal at $14000 because we owe $1000 more for the home study and we have yet to buy anything for the nursery plus a $500 post placement fee.

So what does that mean? We have $3-4000 that has been raised or donated. So that leaves us with $10-11000 yet to raise. And we have, we're guessing 2-4 weeks. I'm so excited because we serve an AMAZING God.

SO AMAZING that we have within the last 10 minutes since I've typed the last paragraph we have gotten 2 phone calls from family members that want to give us approximately $8000. I can hardly talk, I'm so overwhelmed by God's blessing. All we can do is sit here and weep.

We love you Jesus. Thank you for this blessing and this new adventure you've called us to. Thank you for our family and friends that are so encouraging and supportive. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Not like we're keeping track or anything

So our home study is real close to being done and now we just wait, as opposed to waiting and filling out all the paperwork and meetings and such.

You may have noticed a new little icon on the right side of our blog. Well, it's not little I guess. Yesterday it said we need to raise $11000 to bring baby home and we are up to $6000. Well today we found out we actually need $14000. Our agency recently raised their fees but we were hoping to get in under their last fee schedule. Doesn't look like that's going to happen.

So please please please please pray that the funds would be raised. We are scrimping pennys and filling out grant applications. However, we can't send the applications in until the home study is final final. Many of them only give grants quarterly and it's possible we could get a referral sooner than that. Most of them also say they give grants for "extreme financial hardship". Well, I wouldn't exactly say we are in extreme financial hardship but we certainly don't have $10K laying around.

I know, STOP WORRYING! We are trusting that it will all come together as God's timing is perfect. Thanks for praying with us.

God Knows

Earlier this week I talked to our doctor's nurse about the tests results from last week. She said there was nothing to be concerned about and I should come back in 6 months. Uh, WHAT!! So if everything looks fine, why am I having all this pain? And why am I waiting 6 months to come back? We talked to another nurse we've been working with and she said that was ridiculous, that we should reschedule to go back in 2 months. It still bothers me that if there's nothing of concern why am I having the pain but we meet with her again on Tuesday so we'll ask some more questions.

We were able to get Princess fingerprinted last night. And praise the Lord we got in the mail the letter from our insurance we've been waiting for. Our social worker told us today she is finishing up the last of our home study so now we just have to wait for the background check and fingerprint check to come back. Pray with us that they will come back quickly!

I received this note from one of our Pastors today:

I am praying for you. One thing that is always a blessing for me to remember is this, my Godly heart's desires are always on God's mind, therefore I don't need my mind to always be pre-occupied by them. When they come to my mind I say to myself, "God knows!"

Wow, God's timing is amazing. That was just what I needed to hear. Going back to the doctor has brought up all sort of questions (should we be going to the doctor, how far do we go, do I have surgery if that's what they suggest, etc, etc). I've been worried about the finances for the adoption too. I so long to stay home, at least part time when the baby comes and if we have to take out a loan to cover the rest of the adoption fee I'll have to go back to work outside the home. It was so good to be reminded that God knows my hearts' desire. He knows.

We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:20-22

No Fingerprints for Princess!

Hubby and I have already been fingerprinted for our adoption but we still needed to get Princess done. We found out that even though our state doesn't require minors in the home to get fingerprinted at this time, the law could change before we get our baby so our social worker thought it was important.

So we have her fingerprint form, $12.50 in EXACT change (Why? That's all I'd like to know) and get there just before they close. We sign in, get our special pass and head upstairs to the Sheriff's office.

And then I remembered. Uh, Princess, do you have your id? Nope!

Since they have the craziest hours we didn't have time to go home to get her id and make it back in time. So tomorrow we'll try again.

The night wasn't all bad though. It was family night and we pigged out at an all you can eat pizza place. Nothing like a pizza induced coma to make you forget all your adoption frustrations!

Last Meeting

Yes, you read it right. We had our last meeting with our social worker. Yippee! (No offense Kim!)

We did find out Princess has to get fingerprinted. Our state hasn't implemented the Adam Walsh law but by the time we get our little one it might so it's better to be prepared.

So other than that, which we'll get done Tuesday we're done with our home study and now just wait for our social worker to get everything written up. But she told us that our agency's social workers can still show our profile to expectant moms, even though our home study isn't done done. We don't have any new news about the mom that's due in January. Our social worker was going to check and let us know if she is still working with our agency.

Ok, I guess I lied-we're not completely done. We still have to raise the rest of our funds for the adoption. Once our home study is finalized then we can apply for grants. I've been thinking about and praying about different fundraisers we could do too.

We ask that you join us in praying that God would provide the funds needed.

Now that's strange

We had our last meeting with our social worker tonight for our home study. This one was at our home and she also wanted to meet with Princess.

Me: Kim will want to meet with you by yourself tonight.

Princess: Ok

Me: Are you nervous?

Princess: No

Me: You don't get nervous meeting with strange people?

Princess: Well, I get to meet with you every day.


Ha ha. I meant "stranger". Princess is cool as a cucumber, at least that's what she tells me and Hubby. Hopefully she's like that inside her heart too.

Our meeting went well - as far as we know. I guess we'll find out in a few weeks when we get the home study report back. I didn't even go crazy cleaning. I was so proud of myself. I did the basics and put as much clutter away as I could but not too much wacko cleaning. It's a good thing to - we did a quick tour that took about 2 minutes and that was it.

Speaking of strange - it's a strange feeling to be close to having this done. I really haven't allowed myself to get too excited and neither has hubby. I suppose that's natural and probably good for us to guard our hearts. I shouldn't really say that we're close to having it done - our wait could be a year. Lord willing, it won't be but only He knows and we're trusting in His timing.

Another strange thing happened today. I had the ultrasound and other test that I can't remember the name of and if I wasn't so lazy I'd look it up but I am lazy so too bad! Anyway, during the ultrasound the technician says, "do you still have your ovaries?" (yes) and then a little while later she said, "do you still have your appendix?" (yes). I politely said yes each time but on the inside I was saying "HELLO! You are the one looking at my insides - you tell me!!" So that made me wonder what she was seeing and unfortunately I'm not privy to that information until the doctor calls. For the other test we got some more, I guess you can call it strange, information. The doctor said my fallopian tubes are open so that's great. But then he said there's a mass in my uterus. "It could be an air bubble but you should probably have it checked out."

Now that's strange. Kind of in the make you want to puke, worry like crazy, what in the world is in my uterus, kind of strange.

What blog?

Jeez louise, you'd think my brain exploded. These last few weeks it's like I've completely forgotten I had a blog. That's weird! It's probably cuz we have alot of stuff going on and I'm just plain tired. So here's an update...

We had two amazing Thanksgiving meals. Hubby and I prepared one here at our house for his family. That was at noon. Then we packed up the car and drove two hours and had another amazing meal with my family and stayed there for a day. Then we came home and worked like crazy on our house, finishing up little things like trim, outlet covers, etc.

Icky icky. I haven't been feeling well. Remember my wacked out, psychotic, hormonal, pain inducing reproductive system? Well each month it's gotten worse. I've been seeing a gazillion doctors and such and until we get something figured out I've just felt icky and some days it's real hard to get out of bed.

Adoption. So close. THIS WEEK we have our last meeting with our social worker and then our home study is final (I know, it's about time!). Then we wait but it's a better wait because we've done everything we have to do, other than wait. Actually I'm also working on our background check information. For those of you who have never done this you have to write down EVERY address you've every lived at. EVERY ONE. Yes, the farm that we lived on for 6 months. Yes, that apartment in Colorado we lived in for 9 months. These people are crazy, that's all I have to say. But thanks to Google Earth we've found our past addresses and I just have to get that typed up.

Icky icky. A little bit more about this. I went to a specialist today to see what our options are. Option #1 have a hysterectomy (this from a doctor who does very few of these). Option #2 take narcotics to relieve the pain I'm experiencing (99% sure from endometriosis and poly cystic ovary disease). Option #3 take Lupron which will put me into menopause. Will relieve the pain but give me all the menopause symptoms and of course no pregnancy. If we still want to pursue fertility options then there's option #4, continue charting with the Creighton Model for 2 months and then go back and decide if we should have surgery (would be my 5th).

So in order to help us with our decision tomorrow I'm having an ultrasound (both regular and pelvic) and another test (can't remember the name) to see the extent of the endometriosis and other things that might be in there. I gave about 2 gallons of blood today and those results will be back in a week. They put both me and Pat on two kinds of antibiotics to get rid of any bacteria that may be messing things up. And if I don't want to take the narcotics she gave me some other options, like how much Motrin I can really take without overdosing. We really like this doctor. She has a strong faith, is easy to talk to, took as much time as we needed and is honest about our options. She's worked and trained with the doctor that created the Creighton Model so that's encouraging. She asked us if we've considered adoption. Uh, ya :-) She encouraged us to continue with the adoption, even while looking at fertility options.

So that's it in a nutshell. Why I've been absent from the blogging world. I've sure missed you all and hopefully life will eventually get back to some sense of normal - whatever that is, I'm not sure.

One down, five to go!

It's a miracle. It really is. We've finally finished one of our profile books for our adoption. I say "one" because we have to make SIX of them! Yikes! But really the other 5 will be easy because now we have everything set up.

Anyway Hubby is a graphic artist and a perfectionist. I love to scrapbook and am a perfectionist. That is a deadly combination. Needless to say we've been working on this one profile book for about 2 years now. Well, maybe it's been more like 2 months but it's seemed like forever.

It also made it difficult because we know at least one of the expectant moms that will be looking at it. The one that we met last month and is working with our adoption agency. She'll be the first to see it to help her with her decision of what family to choose for her baby. Yikes! That made us question every single picture that we were going to put in the book. And question every single thing we thought we should say. So we finally decided we cannot think about the expectant mom, we have to just be real, be ourselves and not worry about it.

So last night about 10:30 we finished. I've been feeling horrible and was crabby. Hubby was crabby. Honestly it wasn't the funnest project we've worked on together but when it was finally done it felt so good. It felt like we'd climbed Mt Everest.

And then I had the weirdest feeling: I didn't want to mail it. I wanted to keep it. It was so pretty and amazing and made me cry every time I looked at it. Even this morning before work I stopped at the post office and sat in the car and had to look at it two more times wondering, should I mail it? I love it so much!

Wow, that sounds really weirdo now. But I guess it's because I love my family so much. I love how God has blessed us and how I look back over the past 5 years and see how He has changed us and molded us and brought healing and love to our family.

But I did mail it. And I love how God has brought us on this new journey. Even though it's really hard and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, I love that the mother of my child will look at the pictures and read it one day and say "I want them."

I Hope I Didn't Say Anything Stupid

We had our first meeting with our social worker yesterday - working to complete our home study. It went well. I asked Hubby afterwards if I said anything I shouldn't have and he didn't think so but I've spent all night going through our conversation in my head... did I give too much information, not enough information, how will she interpret that, did I talk too much?

Hubby is so calm, cool and collected - it's really annoying. I wish just once he would freak out and start crying and question every little thing he says and does. Hhmmm, that would be scary - then there'd be two of us!

We have two more meetings with our social worker, one which will be at our home. We're working on our profile books - we have to make 6 of them! Trying to figure out what pictures to use is overwhelming sometimes but again I need to follow the example of Hubby and try not to worry about it.

It's About Time

All this talk about adoption and we've never even completed our home study yet! Well, finally we'll be starting the process of 3 meetings with our social worker. The first will be tomorrow and we'll meet at our church. One of the meetings has to be at our home but we thought we'd postpone that as long as we could considering all the little things we still have to do.

The thought of getting our home study done is exciting, something tangible we can actually say we've done to work toward adoption. At the same time it's nerve racking and frustrating knowing how our lives will be an open book in order to be parents. Our social worker is an adoptive mom herself so that brings my heart peace in knowing that she really has been in our shoes.

We appreciate your prayers and we'll let you know how it goes!

Magazines You Won't Find at the Grocery Store

I was browsing through the magazines the other day and this is what I found...

Cooking For 2
Country Home
All About Beer
Popular Mechanics
CabinetMaker
Tango
Bridal Guide
Figure
Bass Player
Bowhunt America
Camping Life
Rugby
Shark Diver
Industrial Hygiene News
Water Garden News

However I was unable to find these magazines...

Adoption News
Angry Infertile Women
Step-Parent Etiquette
Couples Who Can't Conceive

Oh well. Off to read my Big Game Fishing Journal!

It's A Boy

The little one we've been praying for is a boy! The expectant mom had another ultrasound and everything looks good from what the doctor could see. She will be getting some additional test results back next week. The baby's father also attended the doctor's appointment and she said that he still wants to proceed with adoption.

She met with our agency last Monday and has another appointment scheduled, not sure when though. The agency got our last bit of paperwork and payment last Saturday but we still haven't heard anything. I talked to our social worker this week and she'll call us as soon as she gets our information from the agency headquarters so we're trying to be patient!

The baby's due date is January 11th. Trying not to count the days - sometimes it feels like we're counting the minutes! In the meantime we still have a few things left to do around the house - well one major thing - the nursery's not done yet. Whether we adopt this little one or not we're working to get the nursery done so when the time comes we're all set.

Plus I'm working on Princess's scrapbook. The other night I was able to crop all of her baby pictures. We laughed so hard, she was such a goofy baby (not much has changed :-)) Then last Saturday when Hubby and I cleaned out the garage I found 3 more totes full of pictures! Aaahhh! Oh well, I'll never have to say I'm bored!

The First Meeting

We met with the young lady considering us for adoption today at 1:00 at a friend's house. We were so nervous. Well actually I was nervous, Hubby said he was just excited. Even though we know anything can happen it was still very cool.

It was quite uncomfortable in the beginning. I'm thankful our friend and friend's daugther (the one who made the connection with us) were there. They asked most of the questions as we just sat there! Hubby actually did most of the talking. I was so proud if him - I haven't heard him talk that much in.... well, I don't know that I've heard him talk that much ever!

We found out we have alot in common. Her and the father are artists and they really want a family that is artistic and will encourage the baby to be artistic. So we were able to share about my drama, Hubby's art, photography and graphic design and Princess's art, photography and writing. That was cool. And then she also loves horses and all animals so she wasn't the least bit shocked about our 3 puppies. Now that's a miracle! :-)

It would be an open adoption, but we don't know yet how open she is thinking. We were excited to hear that she'll be meeting with our adoption agency on Monday so hopefully after that meeting we'll learn more.

It was very exciting to meet with her today but we know we have a long road ahead of us. Although it's only about 14 weeks til the baby is born (approximately 3rd week of January) there's alot that could happen between now and then.

We so appreciate your prayers! For the mom and dad, for us, for the baby, for paperwork, for the mom's family.