"Wait"

That's it, just "wait"? No more details? Wait how long? Wait for what? What exactly does "wait" mean?

This is the conversation I had with the Lord this week. For the past two weeks I've sensed the Lord saying "wait". And I've also sensed it is referring to the adoption. So I had a good break down-bawling session and questioned why in the world the Lord would say "wait". My mom told me, "you have to obey!". BUT I DON'T WANT TO - I WANT TO BE A MOM!

I started reading 1 Samuel chapters 1-3. For those who have experienced infertility I'm sure you've read these chapters hundreds of times. So I got to chapter 3, verse 18 when Eli says "He is the Lord; let him do what is good in His eyes.". I immediately broke down crying because the first thing I thought was that means I'll won't have more kids. But then I stopped myself because that's not what it says. Why am I always so quick to doubt God and think that His will for my life isn't the same as the desires of my heart? And then I heard the Lord gently say that He does want to give me the desires of my heart.

The next day in staff devotions Elaine shared about "trusting and obeying". Ok, Lord, I hear ya! Even though I'm not sure what "wait" means (don't adopt from Ethiopia?, don't use CWA?, don't adopt?) I will choose to trust Him and obey. I've decided that I'd much rather hear His voice and know His will, even when it's difficult. As opposed to not hearing His voice and just deciding on my own, possibly choosing something that would bring harm.

"Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, then to trust and obey"